25 Oct - Today is the day before I officially turn 40. Wanting to do something special and mile-stoney, I booked a 2d1n trip to Penang. I had alot of regrets before this trip as it fell right in the middle of my busy period. Being the bad time manager that I am, I found myself struggling with backlog and trying not to drop any balls.
This last year I've also been struggling with work and how I perform and am perceived at work. I also struggle with aging, weight gain and progressing on to mid life. I found out that I have Sjogrens, and have started taking medication for it. I also struggle to motivate myself to push myself to be the best I can, distracting myself with work, tv and food to pass my days. I have been aware of my self esteem issues.. I suppose I rely alot on how others view me, because without others' affirmation, I lose confidence?
Due to the wet weather, I found myself interacting more than expected with my grab driver. He drove 1 hr to the Penang National Park, and due to the rain, drove me directly to the hotel from the park. I didn't even get off the car. I got in at 1130, and parted ways at 2.40pm or so. We even had lunch together and chatted. Tbh, this is quite amazing because I haven't really been interested to connect with others. Sometimes I feel I lack confidence to interact with ppl too. I find myself boring and I have nothing interesting to talk about with all these smart and interesting ppl.
Nonetheless, I felt quite impacted by the encounter. I wanted to compensate him for his time and for giving me this experience and passed him more $$ than expected. But in the end I felt that by doing so, I was being arrogant and didn't treat him as an equal. I felt embarrassed of myself, like I'm putting on airs. But yet, I think it's a worthy amt that shows I appreciate his time and his sincerity. Plus it's realistic right? The likelihood of us being friends is also not high.. So honestly I'm conflicted and I also feel uncomfortable mulling over this. But I'm thankful for this encounter, I felt like I was learning to connect with ppl again. I should appreciate this encounter. As human beings trying our best in this world, as long you treat each other sincerely, what else is there?
Having met this way, I really thought there's abit of fate here and I do want to interact more. But I had used my usual lie of telling the wrong duration of my trip and that 'I'll be meeting up with a friend', so I couldn't find a way to cover up this situation without lying. Hmm! 🤔 O wells. I'll just send positivity over, wish him all the best and hope that I helped to make his day abit better.
I changed and left for dinner at Firewood Penang. I enjoyed it, the staff were warm, welcoming and professional. They made me feel comfortable. Though I was keen on the ash aged beef and the cauliflower/cabbage, I eventually opted for the set meal because it allowed me to get the scallop, bone marrow, beef, dessert and a glass of wine at a value for money price. When I bit into e scallop I felt abit regretful though. It wasnt anything special, and I questioned my choices. Value for money vs what you really wanted to try. The beef, wine and lime tart with charred pineapple made me happy though!
Came across Auntie Gaik Lean and asked for a seat the next day. The lady told me to be careful while walking back alone. I was really appreciative, I thought penangites were warm and looked out for each other. It's so nice. Walked to the chew jetty after, and enjoyed the walk back. There was a 'getai' at e chew jetty area, and I din know why but I just like got teary. I think the bass of the loud music kind of jarred my emotions. Even now as I'm flying back on e plane, I feel emo-ness and my face scrunches up from time to time. Is this good? Like am I feeling people again? Or what? I know not. Anyway, I went back and zzz.
Day 2
My plan today was to wake up early for the breakfast buffet, then go back to zzz till check out time. I delayed half an hr because I slept so nicely. I didnt remember much dreams, I didn't wake up through the night, and I woke up feeling balanced. I was really happy with e brekkie buffet, cos the variety was good! While it wasn't to-die-for yummy, they had all e classic stuff like cereal, milk, eggs, noodles, porridge, sausages, salad. They had a small cheese section. Brie with honey tastes really good. They had Tau Huey (good) and almond milk with you tiao (almond tasted somewhat strange. Plastic-ky?) nonetheless I was very happy going back and forth the buffet.
After returning to hotel, I zzzz and made myself wake up at 10.30/11 to gym. Again I dilly dallied and reached the gym at 1120. There were like a bunch of young boys who were enthusiastically using the gym n weights all. They didn't seem like hotel guests, but well! Then I chiong back to bathe and check out. I was torn between lokal food or nice restaurant, but decided to go lokal. Walked to get the famous teochew chendol and to get Penang white curry noodle. Loved them! I also reserved 2 boxes of tambun biscuit that Deanne said was amazing, fantastic, and I had to go n collect them. It had to rain when I was curry noodling, and so like I was kind of struggling in the rain with all e shaobao, egg tart, tambun biscuits stuff I bought. I walked abit and hopped onto the bus to take 1 stop to Komtar. I made an appt to do an express mani and gel pedi at 5.30pm and I wanted to return to hotel to pack bag first. Since I had abit of time, I tot I'd find a place to chill; found a highly rated cafe called Naflow and ordered the sweet potato and grape cake slice as well as a Hojicha latte. Nice. The houjicha was especially suited to my taste buds.
After I went for my mani pedi! I chose green for my toes. Was worried that it'll be kinda dirty looking but I didn't have to be, it's nice and shiny! I really like them, and am happy I did it. I keep looking at them and admiring them. Now I feel like looking at them again. Just did lol. By this time, it was 6.30pm. I was worried about traffic jam on e way to the airport and thus tot to leave earlier at 7pm for my 10.20pm flight. I had abit of time so walked to 361 Horfun, a good reco yk and friends saw on IG. It was good! Got wok hei one. But I wondered why I only got 1 long kway teow with bee hoon. Anyway I polished it off by 7pm and took a grab to airport. The driver was again very friendly and sharing about how he drove to SG and park his car at JB, moving ard SG using public transport. Having relatives in SG, he was quite familiar. I enjoyed the chat on e way to the airport!!!
Now I'm on e plane, and journalling this trip. Although I seriously considered to drop this trip due to work and major xian-ness, I'm glad I made it. I'm thankful for the kind and warm ppl I met, the qte cool weather, the electic shops and cafes, the nice hotel, bed and pillow, and of cos e good food.
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